What is a Self-Expression?
It is being able to express, without the worry of form or forum, without the idea of being right or wrong, without the need to be accepted or rejected.
It is an expression of soul that feels.
It is an expression of flow that cleanses.
The inner cleansing that happens when we allow the flow makes the self-expression come from the highest state of vibration (purity) where it is fully aligned with our soul.
In that expression, we talk the talk of the soul, we live the life of the soul, bringing the inner and outer to a place where we are in peace with our SELF.
It is being able to express, without the worry of form or forum, without the idea of being right or wrong, without the need to be accepted or rejected.
It is an expression of soul that feels.
It is an expression of flow that cleanses.
The inner cleansing that happens when we allow the flow makes the self-expression come from the highest state of vibration (purity) where it is fully aligned with our soul.
In that expression, we talk the talk of the soul, we live the life of the soul, bringing the inner and outer to a place where we are in peace with our SELF.
Story of my Self-Expression:
I came from a conservative middle class background of Southern India. Expression through speech was not very well encouraged and mostly we were asked to follow. It seemed like a norm in the society around, so never dared to question and just followed. Whenever I wanted to express what I felt and I knew I would get into trouble if I expressed, I spent hours having an inner conversation with myself and the person involved and explaining to them why I was not wrong and how I felt. While my outer expression did not find a way out, my inner world piled up with a whole lot to say. Whenever I had too much to handle, “cry” became my natural cleanser of emotions. Being born with love for dance, Dance became my self-expression. I did not still express what I wanted to say but Dance helped me release all those pent up emotions (I didn’t know at that time) and I felt good every time I danced. Dance became my passionate hobby since then!
As I entered adult life and stepped into the world of corporate and the world of responsibilities, my long practice of not expressing became my first nature. Every time I faced with the fear of being wrong, I did not express. Every time I chose to express, I made myself wrong by saying “I shouldn’t have said it” (Guilt!). Since I never learnt to express properly, I didn’t know how to express when in conflict. I was scared of being ridiculed. I thought my emotions were coming from me being stupid. And that I was not “good enough”. (TRUTH – I basically had rejected my pure self-expression)
Thanks to the cut throat corporate culture, annual review methods, absolute need to show how passionate I was about the technology and Job (TRUTH – all I wanted was a good paying job where I can fully take care of my and my family’s financial needs AND I had NO passion for technology!), and sneaky people (driven by competition) finding their ways to get back at you when you innocently expressed yourself, I only learnt to express what they wanted to hear vs what I really wanted to express. While I allowed myself to express to the people I trusted in personal life, the conditioning held me back from fully expressing as I was. My real expression never found its way out, I spent more than half of my life (probably 3/4th) expressing what other people wanted to hear and TRUTH again, I sucked at it! I was never confident of what I said because I could never own what I said. So I learnt how to display confidence without letting my inner expression out. It worked! (Practice makes man/woman perfect!) Well, for some time. As I tried to keep up with the outer expression, that which didn’t match my inner expression, I absorbed, filled and shared stress through my life.
TRUTH – It is lot harder to nurture an outer expression that which is not ours. We cannot breathe properly. Our soul doesn’t allow us to be at peace and keeps screaming back to us bringing all the confused feelings and emotions back into our life. Well, you see Soul isn’t the evil one here. It is our ignorance that makes us believe we can be something we are not. But the TRUTH – NO WE CAN’T! We can fake it but it drains the energy out of us and it will go on… till we are completely OUT of energy (Ever felt or heard of feeling sick when medical records deny any physical ailment in the body? There is a fancy word for it called, “DEPRESSION”).
Came to the rescue my all-time friend “Dance”, to bring balance into my life J
I danced, I performed, I created (choreographed), I taught, I was able to express what I felt. I found my expression through “Dance”. Year after year, as I created expressions through dance that I was not able to express through words/speech, I gathered courage and confidence in self. But the conditioning of not being able to express through words and speech was so strong, I got into the madness of creating through Dance (show after show). TRUTH - I needed to create so much, so that I can release (and balance) the bottled up expression that was trying to find its way out from within and I called it “PASSION!” I and the world around me believed that I was born to Dance as I was SO passionate about it!
The full time expression of false needed a full time expression of dance to maintain balance. The two extremes were too much for my physical body to handle. My body started falling sick! After being a frequent visitor at my Doctor’s office (I wished they had points like Frequent flyer miles that I could have redeemed later) for many months for totally unrelated symptoms, I decided to QUIT my corporate life with a TON of fear and sadness of not getting the heavy paycheck thereafter!
I was diagnosed with Thyroiditis (and other extreme Low Cortisol and Hypo Thyroid issues) and I had allergy to the thyroid medication. So there, I ended up with diagnosis and not being able to treat it. I suffered a severe blood loss with month long periods. I became Anemic! I lost 3/4th of my then long and beautiful hair I had and loved a lot. (TRUTH- I didn’t know I had so much attachment to my hair till I lost it. What all things can “ego” get attached to is unbelievable! J) I wanted to dance, but I couldn’t. My body had given up by then. Lot of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion drained the energy out of me.
TRUTH - I didn’t know who myself was after that. The idea of who I was before was dead! I was left with nothing but to find out all over again who I was. REASON – I never fully expressed who I was, you see. So I never came face to face with who I really was. So I didn’t know who I was. I WAS LOST!
And probably that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was given a chance to find and re-connect with my SELF again!
“Dance” my longtime friend and partner in crime tried to help me. I couldn’t dance (I could hardly get myself to feel dance) but it reminded me, it was there next to me. I dragged myself to find my expression through teaching. Until then dancing and creating (choreographing) was a stronger part of my self-expression but slowly I learnt to express through sharing (by sharing the language of dance with my students).
While sharing was a beautiful way to let the flow out, I was still saddened by the fact that I was not dancing as I used to before. It was my self-expression for the longest time in my life. And though I could express through my students and I fell in love with myself every time I expressed through dancing (even for a very short while), I was not dancing as much as I had envisioned when I took up dancing full time. I danced many times in my vision when I heard an inspiring music but not all manifested in physical.
Meanwhile I found ways to express in other forms (where I least expected). I started clicking pictures (didn’t matter if I used an iPhone or a Digi cam) of what gave me joy. I started penning down (TRUTH - I actually do use pen and paper to write many times instead of just typing on computer, other times I just type) my ideas and thoughts.
As I kept expressing more and more through different ways (and through acceptance of truth), I kept getting in touch with who I really am. And with that I kept healing. As the suppressed beliefs/emotions are finding their way out, my health is making tremendous improvements by tracking its way back to feeling normal.
The meditation and self-healing practices helped me get in touch with my intuitive gifts. The gap between my outer and inner expression reduced. My self-expression was my healing. It became much more smooth, wise, clear and real.
Am I an Intuitive, writer, teacher (of dance), coach (on self-healing), creator (of art as a choreographer) and photographer (of life) now? I asked myself. What about me as a dancer? Isn’t that what I was and what I am? Isn’t that what I was so passionate about? Why don’t I dance so much? I enquired.
My SELF expressed in LOVE…
Dance is not my passion. It is my way of being. I am not in need of dance as much as before as I am not too far from my being. I dance for joy. I dance to balance. I have allowed many forms of self-expression and I have many friends (soul expressions) now. As I let the flow, life will find its best medium of expression through me. And I just ALLOW and BECOME!
With much Love, Light & Peace,
Prashanthi (Pure Peace)
I came from a conservative middle class background of Southern India. Expression through speech was not very well encouraged and mostly we were asked to follow. It seemed like a norm in the society around, so never dared to question and just followed. Whenever I wanted to express what I felt and I knew I would get into trouble if I expressed, I spent hours having an inner conversation with myself and the person involved and explaining to them why I was not wrong and how I felt. While my outer expression did not find a way out, my inner world piled up with a whole lot to say. Whenever I had too much to handle, “cry” became my natural cleanser of emotions. Being born with love for dance, Dance became my self-expression. I did not still express what I wanted to say but Dance helped me release all those pent up emotions (I didn’t know at that time) and I felt good every time I danced. Dance became my passionate hobby since then!
As I entered adult life and stepped into the world of corporate and the world of responsibilities, my long practice of not expressing became my first nature. Every time I faced with the fear of being wrong, I did not express. Every time I chose to express, I made myself wrong by saying “I shouldn’t have said it” (Guilt!). Since I never learnt to express properly, I didn’t know how to express when in conflict. I was scared of being ridiculed. I thought my emotions were coming from me being stupid. And that I was not “good enough”. (TRUTH – I basically had rejected my pure self-expression)
Thanks to the cut throat corporate culture, annual review methods, absolute need to show how passionate I was about the technology and Job (TRUTH – all I wanted was a good paying job where I can fully take care of my and my family’s financial needs AND I had NO passion for technology!), and sneaky people (driven by competition) finding their ways to get back at you when you innocently expressed yourself, I only learnt to express what they wanted to hear vs what I really wanted to express. While I allowed myself to express to the people I trusted in personal life, the conditioning held me back from fully expressing as I was. My real expression never found its way out, I spent more than half of my life (probably 3/4th) expressing what other people wanted to hear and TRUTH again, I sucked at it! I was never confident of what I said because I could never own what I said. So I learnt how to display confidence without letting my inner expression out. It worked! (Practice makes man/woman perfect!) Well, for some time. As I tried to keep up with the outer expression, that which didn’t match my inner expression, I absorbed, filled and shared stress through my life.
TRUTH – It is lot harder to nurture an outer expression that which is not ours. We cannot breathe properly. Our soul doesn’t allow us to be at peace and keeps screaming back to us bringing all the confused feelings and emotions back into our life. Well, you see Soul isn’t the evil one here. It is our ignorance that makes us believe we can be something we are not. But the TRUTH – NO WE CAN’T! We can fake it but it drains the energy out of us and it will go on… till we are completely OUT of energy (Ever felt or heard of feeling sick when medical records deny any physical ailment in the body? There is a fancy word for it called, “DEPRESSION”).
Came to the rescue my all-time friend “Dance”, to bring balance into my life J
I danced, I performed, I created (choreographed), I taught, I was able to express what I felt. I found my expression through “Dance”. Year after year, as I created expressions through dance that I was not able to express through words/speech, I gathered courage and confidence in self. But the conditioning of not being able to express through words and speech was so strong, I got into the madness of creating through Dance (show after show). TRUTH - I needed to create so much, so that I can release (and balance) the bottled up expression that was trying to find its way out from within and I called it “PASSION!” I and the world around me believed that I was born to Dance as I was SO passionate about it!
The full time expression of false needed a full time expression of dance to maintain balance. The two extremes were too much for my physical body to handle. My body started falling sick! After being a frequent visitor at my Doctor’s office (I wished they had points like Frequent flyer miles that I could have redeemed later) for many months for totally unrelated symptoms, I decided to QUIT my corporate life with a TON of fear and sadness of not getting the heavy paycheck thereafter!
I was diagnosed with Thyroiditis (and other extreme Low Cortisol and Hypo Thyroid issues) and I had allergy to the thyroid medication. So there, I ended up with diagnosis and not being able to treat it. I suffered a severe blood loss with month long periods. I became Anemic! I lost 3/4th of my then long and beautiful hair I had and loved a lot. (TRUTH- I didn’t know I had so much attachment to my hair till I lost it. What all things can “ego” get attached to is unbelievable! J) I wanted to dance, but I couldn’t. My body had given up by then. Lot of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion drained the energy out of me.
TRUTH - I didn’t know who myself was after that. The idea of who I was before was dead! I was left with nothing but to find out all over again who I was. REASON – I never fully expressed who I was, you see. So I never came face to face with who I really was. So I didn’t know who I was. I WAS LOST!
And probably that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was given a chance to find and re-connect with my SELF again!
“Dance” my longtime friend and partner in crime tried to help me. I couldn’t dance (I could hardly get myself to feel dance) but it reminded me, it was there next to me. I dragged myself to find my expression through teaching. Until then dancing and creating (choreographing) was a stronger part of my self-expression but slowly I learnt to express through sharing (by sharing the language of dance with my students).
While sharing was a beautiful way to let the flow out, I was still saddened by the fact that I was not dancing as I used to before. It was my self-expression for the longest time in my life. And though I could express through my students and I fell in love with myself every time I expressed through dancing (even for a very short while), I was not dancing as much as I had envisioned when I took up dancing full time. I danced many times in my vision when I heard an inspiring music but not all manifested in physical.
Meanwhile I found ways to express in other forms (where I least expected). I started clicking pictures (didn’t matter if I used an iPhone or a Digi cam) of what gave me joy. I started penning down (TRUTH - I actually do use pen and paper to write many times instead of just typing on computer, other times I just type) my ideas and thoughts.
As I kept expressing more and more through different ways (and through acceptance of truth), I kept getting in touch with who I really am. And with that I kept healing. As the suppressed beliefs/emotions are finding their way out, my health is making tremendous improvements by tracking its way back to feeling normal.
The meditation and self-healing practices helped me get in touch with my intuitive gifts. The gap between my outer and inner expression reduced. My self-expression was my healing. It became much more smooth, wise, clear and real.
Am I an Intuitive, writer, teacher (of dance), coach (on self-healing), creator (of art as a choreographer) and photographer (of life) now? I asked myself. What about me as a dancer? Isn’t that what I was and what I am? Isn’t that what I was so passionate about? Why don’t I dance so much? I enquired.
My SELF expressed in LOVE…
Dance is not my passion. It is my way of being. I am not in need of dance as much as before as I am not too far from my being. I dance for joy. I dance to balance. I have allowed many forms of self-expression and I have many friends (soul expressions) now. As I let the flow, life will find its best medium of expression through me. And I just ALLOW and BECOME!
With much Love, Light & Peace,
Prashanthi (Pure Peace)
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